Do you have a sacred space? A place in your home, or in nature, that nourishes you? A place to relax? A place to feel safe and rested?
That was the question posed at a recent wellness gathering I attended. Many of the women, and the lone man, who sat in circle were practitioners in various fields of complimentary medicine; massage, Reike, relflexology, chakra balancing, and more. Not so long ago, these modalities were labeled alternative healing. Now that medical science has been able to prove their benefits when practiced together with our westernized concept of healing, they are more commonly referred to as complimentary treatment.
Most of those gathered smiled and nodded. Some shared descriptions of everything from personal altars, to designated rooms or garden corners tucked into their backyards where they could meditate undisturbed.
Some of the participants looked intimidated, out of their element until I offered up my sister's sacred space. She's not a big believer in complimentary medicine and if asked whether she had a sacred place she would likely scoff at the question. Yet every afternoon when the sun angles through the sliding glass doors on the south side of her kitchen, she sits at her breakfast bar, sipping coffee and reading a magazine. That is her bliss.
As soon as I shared, another woman told of her grandmother, who took a break every afternoon to sit at her kitchen table playing solitaire.
In my parent's later years, they sat on the porch swing of their lake home and watched the light of the sun reflecting in the water. After they passed, we sold their home. I so strongly felt their spirits were still there, watching the sparkling light on the water, that I spoke out loud, asking them to come home with me.
Their swing sits on my back porch now. Many summer days I watch the sun rise over the trees or set beyond my garden wall while swaying gently to and fro. It is but one of my many sacred places and is made more so when I feel my parents might be there with me.
Now, let me ask again? Do you have a sacred space that renews you?
Sunday, November 30
Wednesday, July 30
Older But Wiser
I'm sitting on the deck in the dark with my lap top. The mosquitoes are bitting, no make that feasting, on me. I should go in. I'm old enough to know better.
Ah, the rub. I'm also old enough to know that life not only comes at you fast, it keeps right on going and if you don't enjoy the moment, there's no guarantee it will come again.
I live in Wisconsin. Northern (very northern) Wisconsin. Warm July nights are to be treasured like a Queen's ransom.
The stars are coming out, the radio is playing "My Gal" and as it goes, I don't need no money, fortune or fame. At least not tonight.
Tomorrow will be a new day and a new story.
Spend your days with people who give you joy and do your best to give joy to the people you spend your days with. Never, never, never pass up an opportunity to tell your loved ones that you appreciate them - it could be your last chance to let them know.
Ah, the rub. I'm also old enough to know that life not only comes at you fast, it keeps right on going and if you don't enjoy the moment, there's no guarantee it will come again.
I live in Wisconsin. Northern (very northern) Wisconsin. Warm July nights are to be treasured like a Queen's ransom.
The stars are coming out, the radio is playing "My Gal" and as it goes, I don't need no money, fortune or fame. At least not tonight.
Tomorrow will be a new day and a new story.
Spend your days with people who give you joy and do your best to give joy to the people you spend your days with. Never, never, never pass up an opportunity to tell your loved ones that you appreciate them - it could be your last chance to let them know.
Sunday, July 27
So, This is Mid Life
Today I am enjoying a rare moment of peace in my otherwise busier-than-I’d-like life. It’s a pleasure to sip my morning coffee, catch up on my email and browse my favorite blogs. It's got me thinking on life as it is unfolding in these middle years.
I have been thrown so many fast balls in the last decade of my life that I would have to write a novel to cover them all. I just may do that one day, but apparently, today or any day in the foreseeable future isn’t the one.
In the past three years, my (second) husband and I have lost six immediate family members, two of those being a son and an almost son-in-law. I have stopped staying that things can’t get any worse, because life has shown me that it can always be worse.
Friends have asked me how I managed. Managed what? To keep living? To keep my sanity? To keep any sense of hope or joy? My answer is quite pragmatic. What choice do I have? I believe Shakespeare said it much better than I –
“To be, or not to be, that is the Question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the minde to sufferThe Slings and Arrowes of outragious Fortune,
Or to take Armes against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to dye, to sleepeNo more;
and by a sleepe, to say we endThe Heart-ake,
and the thousand Naturall shockesThat Flesh is heyre too?”
Despite any religious or moral convictions the truth is, living is a choice. Moreso how I choose to live this life with all its ups and downs, is my choice. I have thus far come through the assault of outrageous fortune a bit more solemn but a whole lot stronger, and still hopeful.
When this year’s calendar turned to January I began the new year with a plan. That may have been my first mistake. My father’s estate was settled and I knew what I was going to do with his gift to me. Finally, I was going to start living my dream. With the money from my parent's labors in life, I could pay off my mortgage, quit my day job and become a full time writer. The completion of my novel was so close I could feel the heft of it in my hands. My father, author of three published memoirs, would approve.
Then fickle fortune slapped me in the face again. My husband became severely ill and disabled. Oh, I’d still be able to pay the mortgage off (thank you Mom and Dad, for finding a way to take care of me even in your death), but far from retiring, I am now looking for full-time work that will offer medical benefits and (future – far in the future) retirement security.
So this is midlife.
I have been thrown so many fast balls in the last decade of my life that I would have to write a novel to cover them all. I just may do that one day, but apparently, today or any day in the foreseeable future isn’t the one.
In the past three years, my (second) husband and I have lost six immediate family members, two of those being a son and an almost son-in-law. I have stopped staying that things can’t get any worse, because life has shown me that it can always be worse.
Friends have asked me how I managed. Managed what? To keep living? To keep my sanity? To keep any sense of hope or joy? My answer is quite pragmatic. What choice do I have? I believe Shakespeare said it much better than I –
“To be, or not to be, that is the Question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the minde to sufferThe Slings and Arrowes of outragious Fortune,
Or to take Armes against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to dye, to sleepeNo more;
and by a sleepe, to say we endThe Heart-ake,
and the thousand Naturall shockesThat Flesh is heyre too?”
Despite any religious or moral convictions the truth is, living is a choice. Moreso how I choose to live this life with all its ups and downs, is my choice. I have thus far come through the assault of outrageous fortune a bit more solemn but a whole lot stronger, and still hopeful.
When this year’s calendar turned to January I began the new year with a plan. That may have been my first mistake. My father’s estate was settled and I knew what I was going to do with his gift to me. Finally, I was going to start living my dream. With the money from my parent's labors in life, I could pay off my mortgage, quit my day job and become a full time writer. The completion of my novel was so close I could feel the heft of it in my hands. My father, author of three published memoirs, would approve.
Then fickle fortune slapped me in the face again. My husband became severely ill and disabled. Oh, I’d still be able to pay the mortgage off (thank you Mom and Dad, for finding a way to take care of me even in your death), but far from retiring, I am now looking for full-time work that will offer medical benefits and (future – far in the future) retirement security.
So this is midlife.
Sunday, March 30
Not Your Mother's Menopause
If your mother spoke of it at all, she likely whispered euphemisms in hushed tones. “I’m going through my change.” Of course, she wasn’t talking to you. More likely you overheard a tearful confidence she shared with a friend. Like menstruation, pregnancy, and childbirth, menopause was not a topic of polite conversation for our mothers or grandmothers. Women’s mysteries were just that, revealed only amongst closest friends behind closed doors.
That was then and this is now, but one thing remains as true for menopausal women today as it did for our mother’s and grandmothers—each woman experiences this life transition differently, from sailing through the physical and emotional changes, to struggling with a laundry list of maladies best described by Suzanne Somers as the “Seven Dwarves of Menopause—Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and All Dried Up.” To that I would add the twins, Doubt and Dread. These twins are born from a loss of self confidence and an increasing fear of losing health and wellness.
If this life transition is proving difficult for you, beyond the question of whether or not to choose any form of hormone replacement therapy, you might do well to ask yourself what pre-conceived notions you have about menopause, where they originated and if they are helpful or harmful.
How did your mother react to her feminine life cycles in general? Was menstruation referred to as “the curse” in your home? Is your attitude regarding menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, and menopause positive or negative? The answer might have a lot to do with how you experience this right of feminine passage.
Centuries ago, women honored their life-cycles with celebration and reverence. Young girls eagerly awaited the time of their first blood, when they would be welcomed into the sisterhood of their tribe. Again, when they entered the realm of motherhood, their status in the community was elevated. But the most revered of all women in the tribe were those who lived to become Crones. In attending at births, healing the sick, and preparing the dead for burial, they were the conduit of life and death.
In today’s American culture, where youth and beauty are revered, a woman in her menopausal years might begin to feel she has outlived her usefulness. She may feel disregarded by society—quite the opposite of being revered for her experience and wisdom.
Menopause signals a transition into the next stage of your life. You can choose to see it as a liberating, opportunity for growth or an enemy to battle to the death. To paraphrase the lyrics of a great ‘80s song, if you tidy up your point of view and get yourself a new attitude . . . you can still be healthy, beautiful, and vibrant for years to come.
As long as you are living, there will be change. Like birthdays and old age, it’s better than the alternative, but it is important to remember that the symptoms of menopause are physical manifestations of underlying biological changes taking place in a woman's body - changes that impact not only our lives and lifestyle, but our physical health as well. What's a woman to do?
These ten steps can help ease you through the transition and keep you on the road to a long, healthy life.
1.First and foremost schedule an appointment with your doctor for a complete physical including all medical tests appropriate to your age. Pay special attention to bone density, cholesterol, and heart and circulatory health. Go over any menopausal symptoms you are experiencing. Together you and your doctor can decide if HRT is right for you.
2.Get adequate rest. If you are having trouble sleeping at night, try Yoga, Tai Chi or meditation (classes are available at private studios, health and fitness centers and most YMCA facilities). Practicing these relaxation methods helps improve sleep as well as lowering blood pressure and improving mental clarity.
3.Eat a healthy, nutritous diet including fresh fruit and vegetables, low fat protein and whole grain carbohydrates. Drink plenty of water. Reduce or eliminate caffeine which may increase hot flashes and night sweats. Also avoid refined sugar. Instead, if you need an energy boost, take a brisk walk or have a light protein snack - or both.
4.Take a quality vitamin supplement specifically for mature women. Omega -3 supplements and extra calcium may also be beneficial. Talk to your doctor before taking any supplements.
5.Incorporate moderate exercise into your daily routine. Walking is the easiest - no special equipment or gym membership needed. Be creative when working exercise into your life-plan. Gardening, dancing, playing games and chasing grandchildren all count! If you can’t manage 30 - 45 minutes once a day, try ten or fifteen minutes three times a day. Take the steps instead of the elevator, park your car at the end of the lot, walk the dog, or turn up the music and dance through your household chores.
6.Include both muscle-building and weight bearing exercise into your fitness regime. Increasing your muscle to fat ratio also increases your metabolism and helps you to maintain a healthy weight, arguably your best defense against developing metobolic syndrome. Weight bearing exercise (yoga, walking, low impact aerobics, etc.) is important for bone density.
7.Breathe. Most of us are shallow breathers, which contributes to stress and fatigue. Again, a Yoga class is an excellent place to learn deep breathing. (or search www.yogajournal.com for breathing). Practice deep breathing several times throughout your day (while your stuck in traffic is a great time) and you will begin to naturally breath deeper. You’ll also find that taking three deep breaths helps relieve both mental and physical stress.
8.Spend time in nature every day - after all, we are kith and kin. Unless the weather is threatening, getting outdoors will rejuvenate mind, body and spirit.
9.Spend time on yourself every day. What do you love? What feeds your soul? It might be one thing or many, just make sure you spend time every single day doing something you love. In my coaching practice, I find that this step is the first one most women will forgo in their busy days. To keep on track, make a list of activities and pastimes you enjoy and how much time each requires. Make sure your list includes things that take just a few minutes, sipping a cup of herbal tea or paging through a new magazine, along with more lingering indulgences, lunch with the girls, a trip to the antique mall, classes at a community college. Post the list where you will see it and vow to do one thing each day.
10. Spend time with friends every day. Whether by email, phone or in person, make that connection. A strong support network of friends adds years to your life and life to your years.
Remeber, every woman is different; that's what makes us all beautiful. See your doctor and discuss all aspects of your menopause and how it affects your individual health and lifestyle. Make your mid-life your best life yet!
That was then and this is now, but one thing remains as true for menopausal women today as it did for our mother’s and grandmothers—each woman experiences this life transition differently, from sailing through the physical and emotional changes, to struggling with a laundry list of maladies best described by Suzanne Somers as the “Seven Dwarves of Menopause—Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and All Dried Up.” To that I would add the twins, Doubt and Dread. These twins are born from a loss of self confidence and an increasing fear of losing health and wellness.
If this life transition is proving difficult for you, beyond the question of whether or not to choose any form of hormone replacement therapy, you might do well to ask yourself what pre-conceived notions you have about menopause, where they originated and if they are helpful or harmful.
How did your mother react to her feminine life cycles in general? Was menstruation referred to as “the curse” in your home? Is your attitude regarding menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, and menopause positive or negative? The answer might have a lot to do with how you experience this right of feminine passage.
Centuries ago, women honored their life-cycles with celebration and reverence. Young girls eagerly awaited the time of their first blood, when they would be welcomed into the sisterhood of their tribe. Again, when they entered the realm of motherhood, their status in the community was elevated. But the most revered of all women in the tribe were those who lived to become Crones. In attending at births, healing the sick, and preparing the dead for burial, they were the conduit of life and death.
In today’s American culture, where youth and beauty are revered, a woman in her menopausal years might begin to feel she has outlived her usefulness. She may feel disregarded by society—quite the opposite of being revered for her experience and wisdom.
Menopause signals a transition into the next stage of your life. You can choose to see it as a liberating, opportunity for growth or an enemy to battle to the death. To paraphrase the lyrics of a great ‘80s song, if you tidy up your point of view and get yourself a new attitude . . . you can still be healthy, beautiful, and vibrant for years to come.
As long as you are living, there will be change. Like birthdays and old age, it’s better than the alternative, but it is important to remember that the symptoms of menopause are physical manifestations of underlying biological changes taking place in a woman's body - changes that impact not only our lives and lifestyle, but our physical health as well. What's a woman to do?
These ten steps can help ease you through the transition and keep you on the road to a long, healthy life.
1.First and foremost schedule an appointment with your doctor for a complete physical including all medical tests appropriate to your age. Pay special attention to bone density, cholesterol, and heart and circulatory health. Go over any menopausal symptoms you are experiencing. Together you and your doctor can decide if HRT is right for you.
2.Get adequate rest. If you are having trouble sleeping at night, try Yoga, Tai Chi or meditation (classes are available at private studios, health and fitness centers and most YMCA facilities). Practicing these relaxation methods helps improve sleep as well as lowering blood pressure and improving mental clarity.
3.Eat a healthy, nutritous diet including fresh fruit and vegetables, low fat protein and whole grain carbohydrates. Drink plenty of water. Reduce or eliminate caffeine which may increase hot flashes and night sweats. Also avoid refined sugar. Instead, if you need an energy boost, take a brisk walk or have a light protein snack - or both.
4.Take a quality vitamin supplement specifically for mature women. Omega -3 supplements and extra calcium may also be beneficial. Talk to your doctor before taking any supplements.
5.Incorporate moderate exercise into your daily routine. Walking is the easiest - no special equipment or gym membership needed. Be creative when working exercise into your life-plan. Gardening, dancing, playing games and chasing grandchildren all count! If you can’t manage 30 - 45 minutes once a day, try ten or fifteen minutes three times a day. Take the steps instead of the elevator, park your car at the end of the lot, walk the dog, or turn up the music and dance through your household chores.
6.Include both muscle-building and weight bearing exercise into your fitness regime. Increasing your muscle to fat ratio also increases your metabolism and helps you to maintain a healthy weight, arguably your best defense against developing metobolic syndrome. Weight bearing exercise (yoga, walking, low impact aerobics, etc.) is important for bone density.
7.Breathe. Most of us are shallow breathers, which contributes to stress and fatigue. Again, a Yoga class is an excellent place to learn deep breathing. (or search www.yogajournal.com for breathing). Practice deep breathing several times throughout your day (while your stuck in traffic is a great time) and you will begin to naturally breath deeper. You’ll also find that taking three deep breaths helps relieve both mental and physical stress.
8.Spend time in nature every day - after all, we are kith and kin. Unless the weather is threatening, getting outdoors will rejuvenate mind, body and spirit.
9.Spend time on yourself every day. What do you love? What feeds your soul? It might be one thing or many, just make sure you spend time every single day doing something you love. In my coaching practice, I find that this step is the first one most women will forgo in their busy days. To keep on track, make a list of activities and pastimes you enjoy and how much time each requires. Make sure your list includes things that take just a few minutes, sipping a cup of herbal tea or paging through a new magazine, along with more lingering indulgences, lunch with the girls, a trip to the antique mall, classes at a community college. Post the list where you will see it and vow to do one thing each day.
10. Spend time with friends every day. Whether by email, phone or in person, make that connection. A strong support network of friends adds years to your life and life to your years.
Remeber, every woman is different; that's what makes us all beautiful. See your doctor and discuss all aspects of your menopause and how it affects your individual health and lifestyle. Make your mid-life your best life yet!
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