IN FOR THE LONG HAUL

My daughter just gave birth to her first child, my third grandchild. Through-out her pregnancy she was frustrated by her fluctuating hormones and the havoc they caused. One day, as she was complaining about being bloated, feeling tired and forgetful, being too hot for comfort and being just plain irritable, I could only say, “ Me too!”

How ironic is it, that in the early stages of peri-menopause (don’t you just love these diagnosis?) I would be suffering all the same symptoms as my pregnant daughter? I want to tell whomever is in control of such things that it’s okay – really, I don’t feel that badly about nearing the end of my child-bearing years. It’s not like being told that I can never have chocolate again and wanting just one last taste.

In the words of one country music star “Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman.”

Navigating the middle years of your life can be difficult. It isn’t only the physical changes we have to take into stride, but the challenges of a life very different from our mothers’. Our world is turning at faster pace, we have jobs outside of our homes and yet are still responsible for the majority of housework and family care. It’s more common to still be raising young children and 14% of us are raising our grandchildren. In many ways our lifestyle offers more options than a generation ago, but in other ways we are at a disadvantage.

Pregnancy gave my daughter permission to take it easy, not over-do it, get some rest. If the challenges of mid-life cause a woman to feel pretty much the same way, why do we insist on trying to tough it out, hang in there and work even harder? Do we have something to prove? Are we trying to eradicate the “weaker sex” stereotype at the expense of our well being? Or worse, are we afraid that if we slow down now, we’ll never make it for the long haul?

I’m not suggesting it’s time to pull on the orthopedic hose, put our feet up and rock our way into senility. On the contrary, I am committed to staying strong and healthy, looking my best and keeping a youthful attitude. But knowing and honoring limitations can go a long way toward navigating this complicated life transition with a sense of serenity. Who knows, it may even be the best way to find that second wind for the next 40 years and beyond.

Take a look at your life. (1) Where could you use some help? Appoint someone to do the dishes, the vacuuming or the laundry. Find somebody who can run your errands. Make sure you get the help you need, even if it means paying for it. (2) How could you give yourself a break? Let some of your obligations go. The PTA, the Friends of the Library or some other volunteer group can do without you for a while. Your kids and/or your husband can fend for themselves one night a week - peanut butter and jelly won't kill them. Better yet, let them fend for you. PB&J can be a feast when you don't have to prepare it, serve it or clean it up. (3) When can you indulge yourself? Take a walk in nature, sit in a lawnchair and watch the sun set or go to a great restaurant and share a rich dessert with a friend (you'll know she's a good friend when she's willing to share the calories).

Honor this time of transition with a healthy dose of self love. Three simple things, done once each week could be just the pick-me-up you need feel and look your best. Oh, and little bit of chocolate every day wouldn't hurt.