Not Your Mother's Menopause

If your mother spoke of it at all, she likely whispered euphemisms in hushed tones. “I’m going through my change.” Of course, she wasn’t talking to you. More likely you overheard a tearful confidence she shared with a friend. Like menstruation, pregnancy, and childbirth, menopause was not a topic of polite conversation for our mothers or grandmothers. Women’s mysteries were just that, revealed only amongst closest friends behind closed doors.

That was then and this is now, but one thing remains as true for menopausal women today as it did for our mother’s and grandmothers—each woman experiences this life transition differently, from sailing through the physical and emotional changes, to struggling with a laundry list of maladies best described by Suzanne Somers as the “Seven Dwarves of Menopause—Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and All Dried Up.” To that I would add the twins, Doubt and Dread. These twins are born from a loss of self confidence and an increasing fear of losing health and wellness.

If this life transition is proving difficult for you, beyond the question of whether or not to choose any form of hormone replacement therapy, you might do well to ask yourself what pre-conceived notions you have about menopause, where they originated and if they are helpful or harmful.

How did your mother react to her feminine life cycles in general? Was menstruation referred to as “the curse” in your home? Is your attitude regarding menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, and menopause positive or negative? The answer might have a lot to do with how you experience this right of feminine passage.

Centuries ago, women honored their life-cycles with celebration and reverence. Young girls eagerly awaited the time of their first blood, when they would be welcomed into the sisterhood of their tribe. Again, when they entered the realm of motherhood, their status in the community was elevated. But the most revered of all women in the tribe were those who lived to become Crones. In attending at births, healing the sick, and preparing the dead for burial, they were the conduit of life and death.

In today’s American culture, where youth and beauty are revered, a woman in her menopausal years might begin to feel she has outlived her usefulness. She may feel disregarded by society—quite the opposite of being revered for her experience and wisdom.

Menopause signals a transition into the next stage of your life. You can choose to see it as a liberating, opportunity for growth or an enemy to battle to the death. To paraphrase the lyrics of a great ‘80s song, if you tidy up your point of view and get yourself a new attitude . . . you can still be healthy, beautiful, and vibrant for years to come.

As long as you are living, there will be change. Like birthdays and old age, it’s better than the alternative, but it is important to remember that the symptoms of menopause are physical manifestations of underlying biological changes taking place in a woman's body - changes that impact not only our lives and lifestyle, but our physical health as well. What's a woman to do?

These ten steps can help ease you through the transition and keep you on the road to a long, healthy life.

1.First and foremost schedule an appointment with your doctor for a complete physical including all medical tests appropriate to your age. Pay special attention to bone density, cholesterol, and heart and circulatory health. Go over any menopausal symptoms you are experiencing. Together you and your doctor can decide if HRT is right for you.

2.Get adequate rest. If you are having trouble sleeping at night, try Yoga, Tai Chi or meditation (classes are available at private studios, health and fitness centers and most YMCA facilities). Practicing these relaxation methods helps improve sleep as well as lowering blood pressure and improving mental clarity.

3.Eat a healthy, nutritous diet including fresh fruit and vegetables, low fat protein and whole grain carbohydrates. Drink plenty of water. Reduce or eliminate caffeine which may increase hot flashes and night sweats. Also avoid refined sugar. Instead, if you need an energy boost, take a brisk walk or have a light protein snack - or both.

4.Take a quality vitamin supplement specifically for mature women. Omega -3 supplements and extra calcium may also be beneficial. Talk to your doctor before taking any supplements.

5.Incorporate moderate exercise into your daily routine. Walking is the easiest - no special equipment or gym membership needed. Be creative when working exercise into your life-plan. Gardening, dancing, playing games and chasing grandchildren all count! If you can’t manage 30 - 45 minutes once a day, try ten or fifteen minutes three times a day. Take the steps instead of the elevator, park your car at the end of the lot, walk the dog, or turn up the music and dance through your household chores.

6.Include both muscle-building and weight bearing exercise into your fitness regime. Increasing your muscle to fat ratio also increases your metabolism and helps you to maintain a healthy weight, arguably your best defense against developing metobolic syndrome. Weight bearing exercise (yoga, walking, low impact aerobics, etc.) is important for bone density.

7.Breathe. Most of us are shallow breathers, which contributes to stress and fatigue. Again, a Yoga class is an excellent place to learn deep breathing. (or search www.yogajournal.com for breathing). Practice deep breathing several times throughout your day (while your stuck in traffic is a great time) and you will begin to naturally breath deeper. You’ll also find that taking three deep breaths helps relieve both mental and physical stress.

8.Spend time in nature every day - after all, we are kith and kin. Unless the weather is threatening, getting outdoors will rejuvenate mind, body and spirit.

9.Spend time on yourself every day. What do you love? What feeds your soul? It might be one thing or many, just make sure you spend time every single day doing something you love. In my coaching practice, I find that this step is the first one most women will forgo in their busy days. To keep on track, make a list of activities and pastimes you enjoy and how much time each requires. Make sure your list includes things that take just a few minutes, sipping a cup of herbal tea or paging through a new magazine, along with more lingering indulgences, lunch with the girls, a trip to the antique mall, classes at a community college. Post the list where you will see it and vow to do one thing each day.

10. Spend time with friends every day. Whether by email, phone or in person, make that connection. A strong support network of friends adds years to your life and life to your years.

Remeber, every woman is different; that's what makes us all beautiful. See your doctor and discuss all aspects of your menopause and how it affects your individual health and lifestyle. Make your mid-life your best life yet!