Many of the people I coach start by telling me, they just can't do it any more. It can be any number of things –going to work, doing the laundry, raising teenagers, living alone. It can be encapsulated into one precise statement – live my life this way. “I just can't live my life this way any more ,” is what they're really saying. The logical answer for these clients would be to change their life. As a coach I have the tools to help them do just that.
Sometimes, though, they are in such a funk they can barely force themselves to get out of bed each day. They complain of being exhausted, unmotivated, drained. “I just don't feel like it,” is their excuse when they haven't followed through with an agreed upon coaching plan. "I want to do it . . .it makes sense . . .I think it would work . . . if I ever felt like it."
I ask them, “What if you never feel like it? Are you going to lay around in your jammies for the rest of your life?”
This is usually followed by stunned silence that eventually ends with, “I never thought of it that way,” or something similar. I'm still waiting for somebody to tell me, “Yes, that's what I want to do,” because as a coach it would become my job to help them formulate a successful plan for a life in pajamas.
At lunch last week, some friends and colleagues were enthusiastically discussing the mind-body connection and emotional intelligence. We expounded on the benefits of just going through the motions, moving the body according to plan until the mind catches up and starts to feel like doing it – whatever it might be, and how there are so many people who don't see the wisdom in this phenomenal connection.
Being the baby-boomer, self analyzing, introspective inner children we are, we were practically giddy over the thought that no matter how profound your grief or depression, no matter the reasons that got you there, the quickest way out is by moving – actual physical movement of any kind.
With us that day was a wise woman well into her 80th decade. I noticed that she seemed to be amused by our animated chatter and almost cultist conviction to a concept that I realized came naturally to the women of her generation. Whatever the problem at hand, there was work to be done, laundry to be washed, meals to be cooked, children to be raised. It mattered very little whether one felt like doing it or not; they just did.
Certainly women then were somewhat disenfranchised of the freedoms and rights we have today and while I wouldn't endorse returning to those Father Knows Best days, there are a few things we can learn in looking back.
“I didn't have time to worry about whether or not I was happy,” my mother says. “I just did what had to be done and most times the problems took care of themselves.” My mother didn't know about things like adrenaline, endorphins and seratonin. She hadn't a clue that chemical reactions in the brain and hormonal secretions in her body could make her feel anything, good or bad. She did know that when she was angry she could clean her house from top to bottom in half the normal time, and when she was done she felt better. When my sister or I complained of menstrual cramps she knew that scrubbing the kitchen floor would take our minds off the pain and we'd forget all about it. She knew that worrying too much about anything only led to more problems. Probably most memorable to us all is that our mothers knew hard work was the sure cure for malaise.
“If you're bored, I'll give you something to do,” they told us, when we moped around the house. Suddenly, we were filled with a spirit of industriousness that had been so elusive only moments before.
So when my clients ask me, what they can do when they don't feel like doing anything, I tell them to first have a thorough physical checkup by a medical professional to rule out any underlying illness or clinical depression. Once they have a clean bill of health, I tell them to buy into Nike and . . .
Just do it!
Recraft Your Life and Reclaim Your Spirit.
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